I wrote this very short journal entry in my personal journal on Valentine's Day. I've been feeling like it's something I should share on here.
"My last few valentine's days have been pretty horrible. Today I am happy to report that my heart is NOT broken and the hands that hold the world are holding my heart! I will be safe in HIS arms. "
That's all I wrote, because after I stopped to re-read what I had written, I was speechless. That might not seem like a huge deal to anyone else but for me...knowing myself better than anyone else of course...It's a huge deal. It's so neat just to see how my perspective has changed and how I've grown and gone from the lowest of low in the last 2 years to, maybe not the highest of high, but I'm definitely in a far better place now. :) God is good. There is hope for change and renewal.
There you have it.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Where to go...
California: My parents are going to visit the family out there in March. It would be nice to go.
China: I have a huge passion for China. I miss Amber Fu and all my Chinese friends so bad. I think about them so often. I really care about what happens to them
Uganda: My church is going on a mission trip to Uganda. I do love Africa. I would love to go back. I wish I could go back to Liberia. Our church has an orphanage in Uganda and it does sound pretty awesome to go there and see it and meet the kids who life there. Plus I've never been on a mission trip with my parents before. It could be a pretty great opportunity.
New York City: I went on a mission trip to NYC to work with the homeless a few years back. I thoroughly enjoyed that trip. I have a huge desire to go back.
Here's the deal: Cost isn't even really what I'm worried about. What I'm worried about is WHERE to go! I don't want to go forward with any of these trips without God's leading. I know once He leads me in a direction I can send out support letters and whatnot and God will fund the trip. I just need to know WHERE to go. I'm refusing to let the money issue stop me from pursuing one of these areas. I just don't want to go to Uganda just cause it's what my parents are doing or anything like that. I want it to be because God leads me there. Who knows, maybe I'm not supposed to go anywhere. I need to save my money, i don't want to waste any of it this year. Any help praying for direction would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)
China: I have a huge passion for China. I miss Amber Fu and all my Chinese friends so bad. I think about them so often. I really care about what happens to them
Uganda: My church is going on a mission trip to Uganda. I do love Africa. I would love to go back. I wish I could go back to Liberia. Our church has an orphanage in Uganda and it does sound pretty awesome to go there and see it and meet the kids who life there. Plus I've never been on a mission trip with my parents before. It could be a pretty great opportunity.
New York City: I went on a mission trip to NYC to work with the homeless a few years back. I thoroughly enjoyed that trip. I have a huge desire to go back.
Here's the deal: Cost isn't even really what I'm worried about. What I'm worried about is WHERE to go! I don't want to go forward with any of these trips without God's leading. I know once He leads me in a direction I can send out support letters and whatnot and God will fund the trip. I just need to know WHERE to go. I'm refusing to let the money issue stop me from pursuing one of these areas. I just don't want to go to Uganda just cause it's what my parents are doing or anything like that. I want it to be because God leads me there. Who knows, maybe I'm not supposed to go anywhere. I need to save my money, i don't want to waste any of it this year. Any help praying for direction would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)
Hmm: In 5 years?!
At Passion Andy Stanley said that we should write out where we'd like to be in the next five years and then make every effort not to give into our appetites or to let them rule over us so that we can attain those goals.
Here goes...
In five years I will be.... 29 years old. OH MY GOSH. ....let me just let that sink in for a sec....... Dude. I hadn't calculated that before.
In that case, I really hope I'm married or at least engaged or in a serious relationship! I hope I'm an elementary school teacher (at Trinity perhaps!). I hope that I have gone to China and back to New York City. I don't want to be a mom yet. But I would probably start trying to have kids before I turn 32-ish. Because I definitely want kids!
Actually about being a wife...I have been thinking, even though I've definitely seen how hard it can be to be a wife of a man in the ministry, I would really love it if God allowed me to be a pastor or missionaries wife. How cool would it be to live in another country and raise a family on such radical faith?! Sounds so exciting. But on the flip side, how quaint would it be to raise a family at one church (no moving around!!) and enjoy the comforts of a close knit church family and coming up with lots of cool events and fellowship opportunities for the church to grow close as a family?!
If I don't live where I am now, then I hope I either live in Mars Hill, North Carolina; Orlando, FL; or some other country or some place exciting like Hawaii. I hope I still act young even though I am more mature in a lot of ways. I hope I am a joy to be around with a cheerful/friendly attitude and encouraging people around me. I hope if I am married that I don't depend on my husband for my source of joy, but on God alone.
I hope I am godly. I hope I have learned how to cook and sew and how to do other womanly things. I hope I'm not uptight or nagging or obnoxious or anything! I hope I have a great outlook on life. I hope I am doing something that I'm passionate about and working with people. God has given me a desire to be a wife and mother, I hope I am either on my way to full-filling that or if not that I am patient or if it's not gonna happen that God has taken that desire away.
BUT if all of that doesn't happen in 5 years. It's ok. I'm sure God has a good reason for it, after all these are MY plans, not HIS, there's no telling where I'll actually be in 5 years. My life so far has been great, but definitely completely different than I had ever planned or imagined. So I know from experience that God knows EXACTLY what He's doing and He doesn't need my help. So it's cool. I really don't have to worry.
Here goes...
In five years I will be.... 29 years old. OH MY GOSH. ....let me just let that sink in for a sec....... Dude. I hadn't calculated that before.
In that case, I really hope I'm married or at least engaged or in a serious relationship! I hope I'm an elementary school teacher (at Trinity perhaps!). I hope that I have gone to China and back to New York City. I don't want to be a mom yet. But I would probably start trying to have kids before I turn 32-ish. Because I definitely want kids!
Actually about being a wife...I have been thinking, even though I've definitely seen how hard it can be to be a wife of a man in the ministry, I would really love it if God allowed me to be a pastor or missionaries wife. How cool would it be to live in another country and raise a family on such radical faith?! Sounds so exciting. But on the flip side, how quaint would it be to raise a family at one church (no moving around!!) and enjoy the comforts of a close knit church family and coming up with lots of cool events and fellowship opportunities for the church to grow close as a family?!
If I don't live where I am now, then I hope I either live in Mars Hill, North Carolina; Orlando, FL; or some other country or some place exciting like Hawaii. I hope I still act young even though I am more mature in a lot of ways. I hope I am a joy to be around with a cheerful/friendly attitude and encouraging people around me. I hope if I am married that I don't depend on my husband for my source of joy, but on God alone.
I hope I am godly. I hope I have learned how to cook and sew and how to do other womanly things. I hope I'm not uptight or nagging or obnoxious or anything! I hope I have a great outlook on life. I hope I am doing something that I'm passionate about and working with people. God has given me a desire to be a wife and mother, I hope I am either on my way to full-filling that or if not that I am patient or if it's not gonna happen that God has taken that desire away.
BUT if all of that doesn't happen in 5 years. It's ok. I'm sure God has a good reason for it, after all these are MY plans, not HIS, there's no telling where I'll actually be in 5 years. My life so far has been great, but definitely completely different than I had ever planned or imagined. So I know from experience that God knows EXACTLY what He's doing and He doesn't need my help. So it's cool. I really don't have to worry.
Goals/Prayer for 2011
Goals/Prayers for 2011:
• That I would not forget the things I learned at Passion
- “My struggle is one of the greatest signs that I’m alive.”
- “I’m not chained down by my circumstances, it is possible to be fully alive and joy filled no matter what circumstances I
am in.”
- “I’ve got to frequently tune everything out except for God and take time for ONE thing.”
- Constantly renew my mind and don’t let my mind go down the same old paths.
- I have no idea what God could do with me if I surrender my will and my appetites.
- “Come to Jesus to get JESUS!”
- Christ needs to be at the bottom of everything I do, like a fountain. He is the motivation; everything should spring up
from Him.
- Do not awaken love before it’s time.
- Don’t let my ideas for serving God dethrone Him.
- Take time for Him.
• Direction and money for any mission trips I am supposed to go on this year. (Uganda, Dominican, NYC, China? Who
knows..)
• Slow down my mind about finding a husband. Give me patience and help me roll with the punches.
• Favor on me in my pursuit of teaching. Direction.
• Opportunities to see far away friends and to share Christ love with them.
• Help me to know what to do with my various passions.
Friends that I really feel like God wants me to pray for this year:
Kristina Donahue (Soon to be Saunders..yay!), Megan Anderson, Brittany Findley Cason, Amanda Lewan, Misako Harada, Danielle Kidwell, Amber FU!, Sara Bryant, Kristin Wood, Macey Reynolds, Hayley West, Luci West, Cassi Bush, Christine Smith, Stephanie Selman, Whitney Barton, Barbara Farnham, David Bass-Clark, Alec Frey, Mike Cook, Carter Lewelyn, Ben Farnham, Blaine Ellis, Patrick Griffith.
If you find your name on the list don't feel weird-ed out. It just means you really truly mean SO much to me and I very much care about you and what happens in your life whether or not you are religious or not or we have talked recently or not or known each other for very long or not. If I can't be near you all, the least I can do is remember to pray for you and that God will give you the desires of your heart and keep you encouraged in 2011! If you don't find your name on the list, don't worry i care very much about you too (i just can't list every single person or else there would be no point in a list...God just kinda inspired me to write one). Write me and let me know what I can pray for you this next year!
What are your goals for 2011?
• That I would not forget the things I learned at Passion
- “My struggle is one of the greatest signs that I’m alive.”
- “I’m not chained down by my circumstances, it is possible to be fully alive and joy filled no matter what circumstances I
am in.”
- “I’ve got to frequently tune everything out except for God and take time for ONE thing.”
- Constantly renew my mind and don’t let my mind go down the same old paths.
- I have no idea what God could do with me if I surrender my will and my appetites.
- “Come to Jesus to get JESUS!”
- Christ needs to be at the bottom of everything I do, like a fountain. He is the motivation; everything should spring up
from Him.
- Do not awaken love before it’s time.
- Don’t let my ideas for serving God dethrone Him.
- Take time for Him.
• Direction and money for any mission trips I am supposed to go on this year. (Uganda, Dominican, NYC, China? Who
knows..)
• Slow down my mind about finding a husband. Give me patience and help me roll with the punches.
• Favor on me in my pursuit of teaching. Direction.
• Opportunities to see far away friends and to share Christ love with them.
• Help me to know what to do with my various passions.
Friends that I really feel like God wants me to pray for this year:
Kristina Donahue (Soon to be Saunders..yay!), Megan Anderson, Brittany Findley Cason, Amanda Lewan, Misako Harada, Danielle Kidwell, Amber FU!, Sara Bryant, Kristin Wood, Macey Reynolds, Hayley West, Luci West, Cassi Bush, Christine Smith, Stephanie Selman, Whitney Barton, Barbara Farnham, David Bass-Clark, Alec Frey, Mike Cook, Carter Lewelyn, Ben Farnham, Blaine Ellis, Patrick Griffith.
If you find your name on the list don't feel weird-ed out. It just means you really truly mean SO much to me and I very much care about you and what happens in your life whether or not you are religious or not or we have talked recently or not or known each other for very long or not. If I can't be near you all, the least I can do is remember to pray for you and that God will give you the desires of your heart and keep you encouraged in 2011! If you don't find your name on the list, don't worry i care very much about you too (i just can't list every single person or else there would be no point in a list...God just kinda inspired me to write one). Write me and let me know what I can pray for you this next year!
What are your goals for 2011?
Monday, January 10, 2011
My Life Montage
Here's a montage of my life over the past few years and my new insights on all of it. If you don't watch any of my other videos, at least watch this one. I feel like it's the most important thus far.
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