This has been an AMAZING year. It's only halfway through and I've already seen God do so much in and around me. It's truly exciting. God has revealed a lot of vital things to me in these past 6 months.
For instance. In this year I have come to the FREEING discovery that my life doesn't revolve around finding a man and getting married. Thank God for that because..if it did I'd be totally failing at life lol. Seriously tho. This may be common sense to everyone else but boy has it set me free! I always "knew" that I'd get married and have kids right out of college and that would be my life. I'd never have to worry about transitioning into adulthood...my man would take care of providing for us and managing all the "scary" details and our life together would be blissful.
When life didn't exactly pan out that way, I grew increasingly more bitter. By the grace of God opening my eyes, I now know, I was gravely mistaken to plan my life as if it revolved around my wedding day. The fact is...who really cares that my life didn't pan out the way I planned!? Surprise, surprise. What's the big deal!? God NEVER promised that my life would unfold in MY time frame or even that I'd get married period. And let me tell you, that thought would have scared the pants off of me last year. But to be perfectly honest. I like that I'm making my own way and that I've been given the experience of depending on God alone for my leadership into adulthood. That is something that girls who get married right off the bat or are in godly relationships do not have the opportunity to experience.
I have been trying my best to take responsibility with my life ever since this sobering discovery. I admit it is hard, and it is scary being a family of ONE. However, I WILL NOT sit around and wait to get married to start living my life. What an insanely stupid thought! I can't believe I had it once. It's so ridiculous. No. I will pursue my passions. Pursue God. I will set goals for my own life and work towards them, apart from any man. I'm not a feminist...I've just seen the light regarding irresponsibly putting all my hope into marriage and expecting a man to do everything for me.
God has given me a passion for the Disney Parks. I fully intend on pursuing that passion and doing the best job I can for God's glory. That's my plan. If I'm married or not...doesn't matter. I'm honestly not worried about it. I am setting up shop...just me, myself, and I. Sure it would be nice to have a husband to lead me, make all the hard decisions, plan with me, pick out furniture and curtains with me, build a home with me, etc. But that's not the way my life has unfolded. So what. My life is killer!! I love it so much! God has blessed me with SO MUCH.
Even with this recent realization, it honestly had not yet occurred to me that eventually I would need to BUY all the items that most girls are GIVEN for their wedding and pick out with their husband when they get married. Things like a blender, utensils, a vacuum, a table, and a couch. I came to this epiphany a few days ago. I feel like that is yet again another thing that it would be silly to wait on. I am 24 now. Life is in full force. It's time to pick out a couch (so to speak) and settle in somewhere. Sure it is SO NOT FAIR that us single ladies get the shaft and actually have to buy our own stuff. But we'll be stronger for it in the long run. (Though I would totally be open to starting a revolution to make a mandatory tradition for single women over the age of 23 to be thrown a party where practical gifts are given ;P)
So, I have a long term plan. I'm buying a dog. I'm setting goals. I'm pricing appliances and furniture. I have ambitions. I am saving money like crazy for the first time in my life. I've never had that kind of drive or self-control about anything before. It's incredible.
I just gotta say that to the world of girls who are waiting around for prince charming...get off your butt and live your life, ladies. Stop waiting for prince charming and start living it up, just you and your Savior...plan as if it's just you and Him forever. If you're not content with that thought, you need to seriously evaluate your Christianity. I did. And here's what I learned: It's not about your MARRIAGE. It's about your LIFE and glorifying God with it. If He chooses to bring you a companion. So be it. But no where does it say in the Bible that your prince charming is on His way.
Put down the fluffy, romantic, christian self-help books, turn off A Walk to Remember and Michael Buble, and open your eyes to the life that God has waiting for you. It's truly wonderful when you do.
God has a plan for your life as a single person. Ask Him and He will show you the way! You're not helpless. "Man up."
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
These words are from the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real:
"So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh Father, show me the way
...Won't you lead me"
They are from the point of view of a husband asking God to help him lead his family. But I think of them in another way. I am often overwhelmed by "going it alone" in this crazy world. I feel often like I don't even know where to start or what to do when it comes to the many things that go into adulthood. But God is FAITHFUL to lead me! I must remember that!! It is as much exciting as it is scary because in all my fears there are opportunities for God to blow my mind with His careful guidance in my life.
So I leave you with this ladies:
"Faithful is He that called you, who also will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:24
So what are you waiting for? Don't be stupid, people. Don't be stupid.
Showing posts with label adult life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adult life. Show all posts
Friday, July 1, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
My Life Montage
Here's a montage of my life over the past few years and my new insights on all of it. If you don't watch any of my other videos, at least watch this one. I feel like it's the most important thus far.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The end of 2010.
The following blog post is full of honesty. I have no secrets. Maybe I should, but I’m not very good at keeping them for long, so why bother.
In some ways it seems like this year flew right by and in others ways it seemed like it would never come to an end.
This year has been full of ups and downs for me. Perhaps it could be labeled the most emotional year of my life thus far. My apologies to anyone caught in the crossfire. Somehow or another this year seems to have slipped by me without my consent. Though, I guess they all do that.
I haven’t written in here much. I have to confess it’s mostly because I haven’t been living up to my title of “eternal optimist” I’ve been more of an “eternal pessimist” this year. Which also explains why I’ve been somewhat distant with pretty much all of my friends in the past few months. My apologies for that, as well. I know it’s selfish. Though I may not have been in tip-top shape, perhaps my friends needed me, and yet I stayed distant worried about my own problems. Next year I want to be a more of a whole and stable person so that I will be able to be a better friend to others.
Honestly I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by all the “catching” up I feel I should be doing with all my friends who live in a wide variety of places. I guess it’s a good problem to have. I have so many friends that I find it hard to manage them all! ☺ I consider nearly 10 different girls “best friends” with special significance in my life. Definitely future bridesmaids material! That’s definitely a blessing.
To be honest, a lot of my bad attitude lately comes from my insecurities about my situation in life right now. I just feel kind of out of place. I don’t have a real concrete path that I’m following. Twenty-three is an odd age. I’m not a college student anymore, but I don’t really consider myself a full-fledged adult either. As much as I have great friends around the world, I don’t have many in my current situation. I want buddies to go do stuff with. I’m still somewhat new here and I’m not really plugged in yet with people my age. I live at home with my parents, which is fun, and I feel like it’s the place for me right now and I’m very thankful for it. But I tend to feel somewhat embarrassed by my over-all situation. I really hate the question, “what do you do?” Because I don’t really know how to answer it right now.
Frustrating Things I’ve Learned or Realized This Year:
• I’m SO not in control of …well…anything.
• Life is hard and confusing when you grow up.
• Things definitely don’t EVER turn how I plan; yet somehow I still keep on trying to plan.
• As much of a people person as I am, when I have issues, I usually keep to myself. . I feel it’s best to keep myself hidden away when I’m not at my best. Which is silly since that is when I should call on my friends for encouragement I suppose.
• I seem to be completely unable to control my emotions. When I’m sad it shows, when I’m happy it shows. It’s a curse. Seems that most other people are able to hide when they need to, not me.
• I have trouble with communication when it comes to important serious conversations. I tend to avoid them…because I can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve and I don’t want to cry.
• I’ve become an expert at beating myself up. I’m trying fix this I think this is somehow related to my newfound pessimism.
Things I need to pray for:
• PATIENCE! I have like…zero.
• The ability to find joy in seemingly negative situations.
• Giving up control.
• Direction. I really have no idea where I’m headed.
• That God would grant me the desire of my heart. (I tend to worry about it instead of praying about it)
• That I would recognize God’s love for me even when I fail instead of beating myself up.
I know I just need to trust God and be patient. Everything in my life right now is happening for a reason and I know God has SOMETHING brewing for me. I just have no idea what it is. But I definitely felt the need to COME HOME after the Disney College Program. I just got caught up in “having fun” in California (and also in Florida) that I got off the right path. Any negative feelings towards that time in my life have nothing to do with anyone besides myself. I just needed to regroup and I needed to be in a good environment right now. I’m glad I can live with my parents and go to Dudley Baptist Church while I wait for God to show me what I’m meant to be doing or where I’m meant to go. My most favorite thing about my life right now is my church.
I’ve felt strongly about possibly becoming an elementary school teacher in the past few months after working a lot with the great kids at church. In the New Year I will start off by exploring my options in that area.
Today I was thinking about the great experience I had at the Passion ’06 Christian conference 5 years ago right before I went away to college. I checked into signing up for Passion ’11 and come to find out my church already has a group going! So I signed up! I’m excited!! What a great way to start out the New Year!
In some ways it seems like this year flew right by and in others ways it seemed like it would never come to an end.
This year has been full of ups and downs for me. Perhaps it could be labeled the most emotional year of my life thus far. My apologies to anyone caught in the crossfire. Somehow or another this year seems to have slipped by me without my consent. Though, I guess they all do that.
I haven’t written in here much. I have to confess it’s mostly because I haven’t been living up to my title of “eternal optimist” I’ve been more of an “eternal pessimist” this year. Which also explains why I’ve been somewhat distant with pretty much all of my friends in the past few months. My apologies for that, as well. I know it’s selfish. Though I may not have been in tip-top shape, perhaps my friends needed me, and yet I stayed distant worried about my own problems. Next year I want to be a more of a whole and stable person so that I will be able to be a better friend to others.
Honestly I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by all the “catching” up I feel I should be doing with all my friends who live in a wide variety of places. I guess it’s a good problem to have. I have so many friends that I find it hard to manage them all! ☺ I consider nearly 10 different girls “best friends” with special significance in my life. Definitely future bridesmaids material! That’s definitely a blessing.
To be honest, a lot of my bad attitude lately comes from my insecurities about my situation in life right now. I just feel kind of out of place. I don’t have a real concrete path that I’m following. Twenty-three is an odd age. I’m not a college student anymore, but I don’t really consider myself a full-fledged adult either. As much as I have great friends around the world, I don’t have many in my current situation. I want buddies to go do stuff with. I’m still somewhat new here and I’m not really plugged in yet with people my age. I live at home with my parents, which is fun, and I feel like it’s the place for me right now and I’m very thankful for it. But I tend to feel somewhat embarrassed by my over-all situation. I really hate the question, “what do you do?” Because I don’t really know how to answer it right now.
Frustrating Things I’ve Learned or Realized This Year:
• I’m SO not in control of …well…anything.
• Life is hard and confusing when you grow up.
• Things definitely don’t EVER turn how I plan; yet somehow I still keep on trying to plan.
• As much of a people person as I am, when I have issues, I usually keep to myself. . I feel it’s best to keep myself hidden away when I’m not at my best. Which is silly since that is when I should call on my friends for encouragement I suppose.
• I seem to be completely unable to control my emotions. When I’m sad it shows, when I’m happy it shows. It’s a curse. Seems that most other people are able to hide when they need to, not me.
• I have trouble with communication when it comes to important serious conversations. I tend to avoid them…because I can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve and I don’t want to cry.
• I’ve become an expert at beating myself up. I’m trying fix this I think this is somehow related to my newfound pessimism.
Things I need to pray for:
• PATIENCE! I have like…zero.
• The ability to find joy in seemingly negative situations.
• Giving up control.
• Direction. I really have no idea where I’m headed.
• That God would grant me the desire of my heart. (I tend to worry about it instead of praying about it)
• That I would recognize God’s love for me even when I fail instead of beating myself up.
I know I just need to trust God and be patient. Everything in my life right now is happening for a reason and I know God has SOMETHING brewing for me. I just have no idea what it is. But I definitely felt the need to COME HOME after the Disney College Program. I just got caught up in “having fun” in California (and also in Florida) that I got off the right path. Any negative feelings towards that time in my life have nothing to do with anyone besides myself. I just needed to regroup and I needed to be in a good environment right now. I’m glad I can live with my parents and go to Dudley Baptist Church while I wait for God to show me what I’m meant to be doing or where I’m meant to go. My most favorite thing about my life right now is my church.
I’ve felt strongly about possibly becoming an elementary school teacher in the past few months after working a lot with the great kids at church. In the New Year I will start off by exploring my options in that area.
Today I was thinking about the great experience I had at the Passion ’06 Christian conference 5 years ago right before I went away to college. I checked into signing up for Passion ’11 and come to find out my church already has a group going! So I signed up! I’m excited!! What a great way to start out the New Year!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
As we go on we remember...all the times we've...shared together.
On Tuesday I went to senior convocation and experienced my first real feeling of bittersweetness about graduating. Today was the last day of school! MY last day of school! What!? We also had graduation rehearsal today. That's when it all became real. I'm graduating in 9 days! I still have to pass my genetics and ecology final (so i can't REALLY relax until next Thursday, may 7th, when final grades are posted...but then it's official.)
It all happened so fast. I'm wishing I would have had more time to hang out with a lot of awesome people. There are so many people in my world here at Mars Hill that I always intended to or wanted to get to know better or invest more time in. It sucks that time has gotten away from me and any chances I have to be with these people are slipping away! I will miss my close friends here very much. But it's the acquaintances or friends that I didn't actually hang out with outside of classes, scholarship meetings, blueprint, or seeing them in the caf...that I'm lamenting even more. Those are the people who I might not have ever said much to...but they've meant a lot...just seeing them...having them in my bubble...around me....that's something I'll miss. It's the people that I would exchange a friendly (or sometimes flirty) smile with almost every day that I regret not having taken the time to invest in. The friends that I would say "yea sure...we'll totally hang out soon!" and then we never did...I feel pretty crappy about those relationships. I've appreciated having these people in my life so much...I just wish I could convey that to all of them!
There have been so many awesome memories...every semester has been a new and different experience. I'm so thankful for my time here and all the wonderful people that have put the color into my life.
In my newly forming adult life...I want to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDM3eYp4KQ
It all happened so fast. I'm wishing I would have had more time to hang out with a lot of awesome people. There are so many people in my world here at Mars Hill that I always intended to or wanted to get to know better or invest more time in. It sucks that time has gotten away from me and any chances I have to be with these people are slipping away! I will miss my close friends here very much. But it's the acquaintances or friends that I didn't actually hang out with outside of classes, scholarship meetings, blueprint, or seeing them in the caf...that I'm lamenting even more. Those are the people who I might not have ever said much to...but they've meant a lot...just seeing them...having them in my bubble...around me....that's something I'll miss. It's the people that I would exchange a friendly (or sometimes flirty) smile with almost every day that I regret not having taken the time to invest in. The friends that I would say "yea sure...we'll totally hang out soon!" and then we never did...I feel pretty crappy about those relationships. I've appreciated having these people in my life so much...I just wish I could convey that to all of them!
There have been so many awesome memories...every semester has been a new and different experience. I'm so thankful for my time here and all the wonderful people that have put the color into my life.
In my newly forming adult life...I want to:
- invest in my relationships more
- make a recipe scrap book
- learn to cook
- read novels
- stop stressing out so much!
- be intentional
- life live on purpose
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDM3eYp4KQ
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