Bittersweet.

I'm worried, sad, and bummed out about a few key things in my life tonight. Most of them having to do with leaving my family in 15 days to move to Orlando, FL for the Disney College Program and the various issues related to that.

I kinda wish I could be transported back to 1998 in Rome, GA, in the front yard of our house at 1863 Floyd Springs Rd. Once again playing in the fall leaves with my bestest little girl friends without a care in the world about where I'm going to be, or how I'm going to keep my family safe, close, and happy. We were golden then. Instead I would just be in that peaceful state of mind that goes along with being an 11 year old kid. Not worrying about what the rest of my life will look like at all. Back then the thought never crossed my mind that someday my family wouldn't be together, or that there would come a day when I would have to miss holidays with my family to pursue my dreams. It was just certainty that we'd be a unit always.

And now, the thought of moving away, to possibly never be a resident in my parents home again, to start my own path is tearing me apart. Thoughts of not being able to come home for the weekend if I need to. Or the ever real fact that Jer no longer lives here and that he's not on vacation, he's really gone to start his own path as well and I don't even know when I'll see my brother again :,(. Thoughts of what I'll be missing while I'm gone, Christmas with my family, my animals, my nephew, quality time with my parents and siblings that still live here. It rips me apart. My brothers, Becca, and I have finally reached an age where we are all on the same page and I love them so much more now that we're all adults than ever before, and now I'm leaving? Just when I'm starting to build such great relationships with them? Where will I be in the next 6 months? Where will the rest of my family be? Who is gonna take care of Molly?

When I said "goodnight" to Molly tonight and she licked me on the nose like she often does, I couldn't help but shed a tear...How can I leave her? It's not like college where I can come home every few weeks. 5 months away from her? What will she think? How will she feel?

I just don't know about all this growing up business. I keep thinking of all the wonderful things that I've taken for granted about the infamous Daws family all these years, and now that I finally appreciate everything that is the essence of Daws and everyone in this amazing unit I was born into, I'm leaving and everyone is going there separate ways and all manner of changes are taking place! It's just not fair. I dare anyone to say that we are not a special family. There's just something about the Daws family that is magical.

I just wish I could fast forward and make certain that the future of the Daws family will be bright. I think then I could leave a little easier.

I'm reminded of a quote from Father of the Bride,

"I mean, I know I can't stay, but it's like I don't want to leave." - Annie Banks

:,(

23 days til Disney!

I have two new blog posts. Episodes 6 and 7.

Check them out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_LDJFJD8AQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VkZ4oKLRAA

I spent the week before last in Asheville, NC. I have sooo many awesome friends who live there. It might be one of my favorite places in the world. So many great memories from college there too.

I found out that I will likely be working at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Sweet! I just might get to use my biology degree after all! I love that.

I'm so stinkin' excited. I'm really gonna miss my family and my pets though. :/

From the Inside Out - Todd Fields

From the Inside Out - Todd Fields 

(well...i'm not sure who wrote this song first...

but i've been listing to his version on repeat.)

A thousand times I've failed Still your mercy remains

 And should I stumble again Still I'm caught in your grace

  Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

 Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

 my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control

 Consume me from the inside out Lord 

Let justice and praise become my embrace 

To love You from the inside out  

Your will above all else, my purpose remains 

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise  

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades 

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame 

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control 

Consume me from the inside out

Lord Let justice and praise become my embrace 

To love You from the inside out  

Chorus 2x 

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending, 

Your glory goes beyond all fame 

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise

From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Todd Fields is my favorite worship leader/artist.  Check him out on iTunes.  

All of his songs are so powerful.

2 new "vlog" posts! check it out!!

Here's an update of what I've been up to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDyLktkEAbo&feature=channel_page

Here's a little slide show music video I put together of past times at Disney World with my family and friends! The song is a pretty awesome remix of attractions sounds and songs from different parks. I'm not sure where the song came from ...but it's great for diehard disney fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIZ972o2o_g&feature=channel_page

Memorable Quotes...

The Daws Family: we are movie people, we are television people.

Some families are sports families, some are music families, some are book families, some are car families, and some are other-kinds-of-things families. But my family: we are movie and tv people. We know tons of movie and tv trivia and most of our conversations consist of quotes or references from movies and tv shows that we love. Because of this, hanging out with my family is like being in a special club that speaks its own language.

I view my life as if it were a movie. I compare it to things I've seen or heard in movies. I think in movie quotes.

Here are just a few of the quotes that have been swirling around in my head lately:

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Kathleen Kelly: Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. - You've Got Mail

Lucy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma? - While You Were Sleeping

Harrison Winslow: Who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway? Resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? What if I fail? And I will. I'll fail. I'm telling you. I always fail. Then my whole life will be a complete failure.
Thomas Reilly: No offense, Harrison. But you died a failure because you never tried. - Heart and Souls

Milo Peck: Hey, life's tough. Sometimes you don't get what you want. Mostly you don't get what you want.

- Heart and Souls

Thomas Reilly: I've loved people before and they went away. So a long time ago I made a decision that I wasn't gonna need anybody anymore. I wasted most of my life that way. And I know I'm late and I know don't deserve it, I need you I love you. - Heart and Souls

Mike O' Donnell: When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you.
- 17 Again

Bailey: Ya know, I don't know, Tibby, maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us, ya know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for. - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
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I think my favorite kinds of movies are those with beautifully spoken, meaningful words. My favorite songs are the same way. I'm a words person. When I listen to a song or watch something...I pay way more attention to what is being said than what the music sounds like or the way something was shot. Because of this, I love movies that have some kind of narration or voice over either by an outside narrator or ones that are narrated by the main character. Those are the best!

I will NOT waste this summer, ok!?

I have no real obligations until August 12th.

This is frustrating. Although something that is even more frustrating is the fact that whenever I'm extremely busy, I hope for down time like this and whenever I'm extremely "un-busy" I hope for something to consume my time.

Why can't I be satisfied? Whenever I have a million friends around...I wish to be alone. Whenever I'm alone I wish I had someone to hang out with. What's up with that?! I'm very fickle.

I've been trying to come up with ideas of what to do with all this free time...

• Read The Chronicles of Narnia
• Have a daily time with God
• Re-learn French
• Learn to cook

But somehow I can't bring myself to wake up before 11 for such simple and seemingly unimportant activities.

It occurred to me the other day ...I've never read ALL the way through the Bible. Which seems pretty stupid since I base my life and all my decisions on it's teachings.

When I was always busy with school I always promised myself...

"if only I had some free time, I'd do all the things I always put off because of all my obligations." Well that time is now and one of those things on my "list" was to read the Bible.

So perhaps since I have absolutely nothing to do and it's a rare occasion when I actually have anyone to hang out with in the mind-numbingly boring city of Buford, maybe I should just bite the bullet and commit to reading the Bible this summer.

I'm frustrated with me...I WILL make the most of this down time!!! I don't want to wait my summer!!

Actually the only reason I am writing this...is because I need some way of keeping myself accountable...so at least next time I write hopefully if I haven't been keeping up with this commitment, this post will convict me and I'll be held accountable.

I have NO excuse for not reading...so feel free to yell at me if need be.

60 days and counting...

It's hard to believe that in 60 days I'll be working at Disney World with unlimited access to all 4 parks whenever I feel like going. WTF!?! Crazzzzzzy!

Not too much has been going on...

Here's another video update!