Bittersweet.

I'm worried, sad, and bummed out about a few key things in my life tonight. Most of them having to do with leaving my family in 15 days to move to Orlando, FL for the Disney College Program and the various issues related to that.

I kinda wish I could be transported back to 1998 in Rome, GA, in the front yard of our house at 1863 Floyd Springs Rd. Once again playing in the fall leaves with my bestest little girl friends without a care in the world about where I'm going to be, or how I'm going to keep my family safe, close, and happy. We were golden then. Instead I would just be in that peaceful state of mind that goes along with being an 11 year old kid. Not worrying about what the rest of my life will look like at all. Back then the thought never crossed my mind that someday my family wouldn't be together, or that there would come a day when I would have to miss holidays with my family to pursue my dreams. It was just certainty that we'd be a unit always.

And now, the thought of moving away, to possibly never be a resident in my parents home again, to start my own path is tearing me apart. Thoughts of not being able to come home for the weekend if I need to. Or the ever real fact that Jer no longer lives here and that he's not on vacation, he's really gone to start his own path as well and I don't even know when I'll see my brother again :,(. Thoughts of what I'll be missing while I'm gone, Christmas with my family, my animals, my nephew, quality time with my parents and siblings that still live here. It rips me apart. My brothers, Becca, and I have finally reached an age where we are all on the same page and I love them so much more now that we're all adults than ever before, and now I'm leaving? Just when I'm starting to build such great relationships with them? Where will I be in the next 6 months? Where will the rest of my family be? Who is gonna take care of Molly?

When I said "goodnight" to Molly tonight and she licked me on the nose like she often does, I couldn't help but shed a tear...How can I leave her? It's not like college where I can come home every few weeks. 5 months away from her? What will she think? How will she feel?

I just don't know about all this growing up business. I keep thinking of all the wonderful things that I've taken for granted about the infamous Daws family all these years, and now that I finally appreciate everything that is the essence of Daws and everyone in this amazing unit I was born into, I'm leaving and everyone is going there separate ways and all manner of changes are taking place! It's just not fair. I dare anyone to say that we are not a special family. There's just something about the Daws family that is magical.

I just wish I could fast forward and make certain that the future of the Daws family will be bright. I think then I could leave a little easier.

I'm reminded of a quote from Father of the Bride,

"I mean, I know I can't stay, but it's like I don't want to leave." - Annie Banks

:,(

Memorable Quotes...

The Daws Family: we are movie people, we are television people.

Some families are sports families, some are music families, some are book families, some are car families, and some are other-kinds-of-things families. But my family: we are movie and tv people. We know tons of movie and tv trivia and most of our conversations consist of quotes or references from movies and tv shows that we love. Because of this, hanging out with my family is like being in a special club that speaks its own language.

I view my life as if it were a movie. I compare it to things I've seen or heard in movies. I think in movie quotes.

Here are just a few of the quotes that have been swirling around in my head lately:

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Kathleen Kelly: Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. - You've Got Mail

Lucy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma? - While You Were Sleeping

Harrison Winslow: Who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway? Resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? What if I fail? And I will. I'll fail. I'm telling you. I always fail. Then my whole life will be a complete failure.
Thomas Reilly: No offense, Harrison. But you died a failure because you never tried. - Heart and Souls

Milo Peck: Hey, life's tough. Sometimes you don't get what you want. Mostly you don't get what you want.

- Heart and Souls

Thomas Reilly: I've loved people before and they went away. So a long time ago I made a decision that I wasn't gonna need anybody anymore. I wasted most of my life that way. And I know I'm late and I know don't deserve it, I need you I love you. - Heart and Souls

Mike O' Donnell: When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you.
- 17 Again

Bailey: Ya know, I don't know, Tibby, maybe the truth is there's a little bit of loser in all of us, ya know? Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon's Lair - making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it... and that's all we can ask for. - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
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I think my favorite kinds of movies are those with beautifully spoken, meaningful words. My favorite songs are the same way. I'm a words person. When I listen to a song or watch something...I pay way more attention to what is being said than what the music sounds like or the way something was shot. Because of this, I love movies that have some kind of narration or voice over either by an outside narrator or ones that are narrated by the main character. Those are the best!

Lyrics.

I got accepted into the Disney College Program at Disney Land in California! Now I have a decision to make. FL or CA?

Whether or not I like a song usually depends on whether or not I connect with the lyrics in someway. I love lyrics. I get pretty darn impatient with songs that have really long intros because I love the lyrics so much. I totally think in song lyrics and movie quotes. So when I was trying to put into words how I am feeling about getting accepted into both Disney World and Disney Land College Programs...these words came to mind from the musical Wicked:

That's why I couldn't be happier
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is, I admit
The tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated
But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier
(spoken) Well - not "simply":
(sung) 'Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still -
With this perfect finale
The cheers and ballyhoo
Who
Wouldn't be happier?
So I couldn't be happier
Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true
Well, isn't it?
Happy is what happens
When your dreams come true!

-Glenda the "Good" Witch

It's really interesting how this has all hit me. My dreams have come true...I should be bouncing on the walls with excitement, right!? I'm learning that dreams are pretty scary once they become reality...that's when you have to think about all the little details like money and time! Either way I'm going to miss thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Either way I'm missing out on priceless time with my nephew, my pets (especially my dog, Molly, she's getting pretty old), and my family. Either way I'm moving out and who knows if I'll live at home again. Either way I'm becoming an adult! Just as the song says "'...Getting your dreams, It's strange, but it seems, A little - well - complicated. There's a kind of a sort of : cost,There's a couple of things get: lost"

Yesterday I was leaning towards Disney Land. Today I'm leaning towards Disney World. There are pros and cons to both. Ultimately I need to spend time praying and asking God what HE wants me to do. For all I know HE might not even want me to go to either one. I need direction...I've always struggled with praying for things...perhaps this is a great opportunity for me to conquer that.

There are 20 days until I graduate. Yay!!!!!!

I'm doing my Senior Seminar Presentation on Monday! Ahhhh! I keep going back and forth between being crazy nervous and being really calm about the whole thing. I just want to get it over with! I've been freaking out about this for about a year...I can't believe it's finally here! Yikes!