I kinda wish I could be transported back to 1998 in Rome, GA, in the front yard of our house at 1863 Floyd Springs Rd. Once again playing in the fall leaves with my bestest little girl friends without a care in the world about where I'm going to be, or how I'm going to keep my family safe, close, and happy. We were golden then. Instead I would just be in that peaceful state of mind that goes along with being an 11 year old kid. Not worrying about what the rest of my life will look like at all. Back then the thought never crossed my mind that someday my family wouldn't be together, or that there would come a day when I would have to miss holidays with my family to pursue my dreams. It was just certainty that we'd be a unit always.
And now, the thought of moving away, to possibly never be a resident in my parents home again, to start my own path is tearing me apart. Thoughts of not being able to come home for the weekend if I need to. Or the ever real fact that Jer no longer lives here and that he's not on vacation, he's really gone to start his own path as well and I don't even know when I'll see my brother again :,(. Thoughts of what I'll be missing while I'm gone, Christmas with my family, my animals, my nephew, quality time with my parents and siblings that still live here. It rips me apart. My brothers, Becca, and I have finally reached an age where we are all on the same page and I love them so much more now that we're all adults than ever before, and now I'm leaving? Just when I'm starting to build such great relationships with them? Where will I be in the next 6 months? Where will the rest of my family be? Who is gonna take care of Molly?
When I said "goodnight" to Molly tonight and she licked me on the nose like she often does, I couldn't help but shed a tear...How can I leave her? It's not like college where I can come home every few weeks. 5 months away from her? What will she think? How will she feel?
I just don't know about all this growing up business. I keep thinking of all the wonderful things that I've taken for granted about the infamous Daws family all these years, and now that I finally appreciate everything that is the essence of Daws and everyone in this amazing unit I was born into, I'm leaving and everyone is going there separate ways and all manner of changes are taking place! It's just not fair. I dare anyone to say that we are not a special family. There's just something about the Daws family that is magical.
I just wish I could fast forward and make certain that the future of the Daws family will be bright. I think then I could leave a little easier.
I'm reminded of a quote from Father of the Bride,
"I mean, I know I can't stay, but it's like I don't want to leave." - Annie Banks